JAPANESE CINEMA 101

 

From Terrifying Girls Highschool: Lynch Law Classroom (1973)

WHEN WAX NO LONGER WORKS

Ever wondered where old wax figures go once they fall out of favour? Well, in the case of the wonderful / appalling Louis Tussauds in Great Yarmouth (which I think of constantly, always with an ache), they were bought by some Arabian potentate and shipped out to somewhere very hot (presumably they are kept in climate controlled conditions). With Madam Tussauds, for decades those figures that became surplus to requirements went to the Wookey Hole in Somerset, where they became a tourist attraction in their own right.

This postcard gives us plenty to digest: a bust of Nelson, some of Diana Dors, Henry VIII's and Bobby Moore's bodies and, in the background, a panoply of one-time household names and legends, including Hal and Bobby's heads, Tony Hancock, Nobby Stiles, Peter Ustinov, Shirley MacLaine and dear old Queen Matilda. 

MOORE, MOORE, MOORE

 

By 1974, Henry Moore was popular enough to warrant a wax figure in Madam Tussauds, not a bad accolade for a contemporary sculptor whose best work was innovative and experimental. Tussauds resisted the opportunity to do something abstract with his figure, and instead fashioned a fairly good likeness of the 76 year old Yorkshireman, although it did have the somewhat rough-hewn, pock-marked look that wax figures often had at the time. When finished, his nattily dressed likeness stood alongside Picasso. 

Wax figures are a great interest of mine, particularly because they tell you a lot about the interests and priorities of the society which produces them. They are always ephemeral: they come and then go, usually for good. As such, I don't know whether Moore's figure was still on display when the real man died in 1986, but I suspect not, David Hockney had almost certainly crept in by then.

WADE IN THE WATER

 

'The Face Of Another' (1966) is a rather grim Japanese sci fi psychodrama about disfigurement, loss of identity and revenge. Towards the end of the film, a hitherto marginal character walks slowly into the sea. As someone who almost drowned as a child, I know it isn't exactly an easeful death, but it has elements of poetry, as demonstrated in this beautiful sequence.        

SLOW VIOLENCE

It takes a long time and a lot of title cards before we get to any Navy Seal Combat Hand To Hand Training Fundamentals on this 1994 VHS tape and, when we finally arrive, it's quite boring, just a bloke moving his arms around. Please don't tell Mr. Frank Cucci I said that, he'll probably beat me up in a dull but very thorough way.

WE LOVE YOU, RINGO!

 

Here's wishing a very Happy 86th Birthday to my favourite Beatle, Sir Ringo Starr.

VOLTAIRE ON THE BONGOS

Sex Kittens Go To College is such an awful film, I almost don't want to acknowledge that I watched it. I was, of course, researching the work of director Albert Zugsmith, which ranges from the interesting (Confessions Of  An Opium Eater; Psychedelic Sexualis) to the execrable (everything else). 

The one redeeming feature of this almost incomprehensible comedy is that it has a chimpanzee called Abraham Q. Voltaire who dresses like a beatnik and plays percussion and bongos in a lounge jazz band. Voltaire is a charismatic figure and an excellent musician and, later on, plays the piano with his feet. He's basically a genius, and looks absolutely cool as fuck, especially if those glasses are prescription.

LOW BUDGET INTERIORS

 

I watch a lot of low-budget (and some no budget) films, and I'm mildly fixated on the rooms they use. I particularly like it if some effort (but no expense) has been taken to 'dress' the set. Here's an example, from a 1976 movie A.P.E. It's about a massive ape that goes on the rampage, kidnapping a blonde American actress on route. Totally original story. Very shortly, the big gorilla will look through this window, and we can only speculate as to his thoughts on this particular low budget interior.

The best part of the film comes when the cut rate Kong destroys a helicopter that has been shooting at him. His reaction is something you may be familiar with from that famous mountain gorilla documentary with David Attenborough.

It's gold standard stuff. 

BREAKING NEWS

 

O, CAROLINE 2

 

Art by Robin Greenville-Evans.

That's it in terms of Starcrash. For now...

O, CAROLINE 1

 

More Starcrash. These artfully decaying shots are taken from a pre-production Special Effects reel created by Armando Valcauda. As a six year old coming home from school, I saw Caroline Munro on an advertising hoarding promoting Lambs Navy Rum, and the sight of her gave me tummy ache. When I told my wife this, many years later, she paraphrased Woody Allen in her exasperated response: 'for God's sake, Paul, even Freud speaks of a latency period'.

...A SPACE ADVENTURE FOR ALL TIME

FROM A VAST AND DISTANT GALAXY...

 

Starcrash, d. Luigi Cozzi (1978)

Often described as a shameless Star Wars rip off, Starcrash was actually developed prior to the global success of George Lucas' movie, although, during production, some obvious references to the phenomenon were added to trivial but often amusing effect.

In fact, Cozzi's space opera has more in common with Jason Of The Argonauts cinematically, and is very much indebted to the Italian fumeti tradition. A rip-roaring adventure across time and space, Starcrash has an excellent cast (Caroline Munro, Marjoe Gortner, Joe Spinnell and Christopher Plummer) AND David Hasselhoff.

Full of flashing lights and optical effects (always a favourite), Starcrash is not by any means a great film but it is a supremely entertaining one, made with imagination and brio, low in budget but high in ambition. 

I was in Rome last month, a city my wife and I visit as often as we can. During the trip I was able to get to Profondo Rosso, a small shop in the Parti region of the city. It was set up by the director of Starcrash, Luigi Cozzi, and his pal, Dario Argento. For five Euros, you can visit a small museum in the basement that has props from some of Argento's movies. If you like that sort of thing, it's well worth the investment (I was overjoyed). Later that afternoon, still buzzing with excitement, it belatedly occurred to me that the pleasant man behind the counter was Luigi Cozzi. I don't have many regrets in life, but I wish I'd realised in time to shake his hand and say grazie mille for Starcrash. Hopefully, I'll get to do it next year.