MEET THE MONSTERS

 

There are many undeniably great sequences in cinema. The continuous take from the beginning of Touch Of Evil, for example, or the pillow fight in Zero De Conduit, even the opening sequence of Up.  These all fall short, however, in the face of a minute in the short Japanese film Kamen Rider Vs Ambassador Hell (1972) in which TEN men in rubber suits  fearsome monsters suddenly appear on a snowy mountain top and introduce themselves one by one before launching into a battle with our motorcycle riding hero and his secret agent sidekick. 

Despite their bravado and obvious enthusiasm for a fight, the monsters get their scaly posteriors kicked in a disappointingly brief period of time. It's a shame, as I was really rooting for them, particularly Mushroom Morgue.

Additional: what would have been the ultimate smack down if Zanjioh and his pals could actually do more than posture and shout...

They'll be back, and they won't have learned a thing.

TENSE AMBIANCE

I was struck (unlike that dinky target) by this sequence in the 2011 Japanese film Schoolgirl Apocalypse, particularly the subtitles. Despite what you might reasonably suspect from a Japanese film about young women, there's nothing prurient about this film, in which awkward schoolgirl Sakura has her life turned upside down by murderous zombies (are there any other type?), then has to battle against them (and self-doubt) in order to survive. Naturally, her aim improves very quickly indeed.

PSYCHEDELIC SCHOOLDAYS

School In The Crosshairs, d. Nobuhiko Obayashi (1981)

I've been watching a lot of Japanese genre films* lately. They can occasionally be lurid, and are sometimes obviously driven by dramatic conventions that I'm not particularly familiar with. They veer between tasteful restraint and hyperbolic fantasy. There is lots of shouting, screaming and the metallic quivering and wet thunks of sword blades slashing at flesh. It's good value, and there's lots of it: dozens of mad movies about yakuza gangs, delinquent girls, women in prison, travelling samurai warriors, groups of kooky kids trying to find their own way in a mixed up, often dangerous world. 

School In The Crosshairs has an awful lot going on, and calls to mind a haphazard mix of Grease, The Omen and drugs. The story of a high school infiltrated by evil aliens who install a fascist prefect system, it was directed by Nobuhiko Obayashi, perhaps best known for horror comedy film Hausu (1977), a film that has wormed its way into the vocabulary of film hipsters all over the world. I don't say Crosshairs is a superior film, but it's just as much fun, and deserves to be better known. 

* I don't actually know what genre School In The Crosshairs is.

EYE IN THE SKY

A menacing presence in the sky that calls to mind the constant scrutiny of our CCTV monitored existence. It doesn't seem to bother us much, but then humans have always been surprisingly comfortable with the idea that someone in the sky watches everything we do and silently judges it. 

From  Tashio Matsumoto's disquieting 1975 experimental short Phantom.

LUNATIC FRINGE

Wolfguy, d. Kazuhiko Yamaguchi (1975)

Based on a Manga, Wolfguy stars the amazing Sonny Chiba as Wolf, a roving reporter and troubleshooter who is also the only survivor of a clan of wolf people. The details of this are a little confusing as, unlike a common or garden werewolf, he doesn't transform into something hairy and vicious every full moon but instead becomes endowed with super strength and kung fu abilities, as well as the most un-lupin-like ability to leap thirty feet in the air and be shot with a machine gun over and over. 

None of this matters, of course, especially as he is investigating a series of bloody murders committed by a victim of gang rape who is so angry at being infected with syphilis that she is able to project her rage into the form of an avenging tiger. Naturally, a shadowy government department is interested in both of these unusual people, wanting either their compliance or their blood, hoping to use it to create a cohort of unstoppable super assassins.  

Bloody, kinky, full of fighting, jumping and running around, Wolfguy also has a groovy soundtrack. Seriously, what's not to like? 

FLAMING KAIJU

Godzilla Vs. Mothra: The Battle For Earth, d. Takao Okawara (1994)

2016 is here! This IS the future. Appalling, isn't it? Anyway, here are some brightly coloured monster pictures to cheer you all up. Let's draw a burning line under the past and look forward. Is it going to get better, you ask? My most positive response: yeah, why not?

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES OF THE DAY

A small selection of some of the many lovely subtitles from the bizarre Convent Of The Holy Beast. 

SCHOOL FOR SCOUNDRELS

Convent Of The Holy Beast, d. Noribumi Suzuki (1974)

A young woman goes Nun-derecover© at a creepy convent to find the people who murdered her mother and put her up for adoption. She uncovers the usual lesbianism, hoarding of pornography, sausage stealing, topless whippings, punishment by rose and non-stop masturbation, but also a horrible secret about her own birth and the hypocrisy of those supposedly serving God. 

I would call it sleazy and dirty, because it is, but it's not disgusting and filthy, so I can almost justify enjoying it.