I don't know why, but I'm obsessed with this publicity photograph of Dirk Bogarde and a parrot. My wife says there's something wrong with me, and I can hardly disagree. What I like to do is to put it up in different places in the house and see how long it takes her to discover it. It's a form of psychological warfare, really, and I feel bad about it, I really do, but I won't stop because I can't.
What do I like about it? First and foremost, it's the forced, fake nature of the thing. Secondly, because I know that Dirk was waspish and acerbic in real life, I'm sure he hated every second. Third - I'll bet the parrot disliked it too and, in a best case fantasy scenario, told Bogarde to 'fuck off out of it' after a few snaps of the camera.
I have been working on a Dirk Bogarde impersonation for a while, and, after an enormous amount of work, have finally managed to sound simultaneously posh and tremulous and sardonic and tired and angry and arch whilst reciting a couple of key lines. The house is dropping to bits, my hair is falling out, the world is on fire but, on the plus side, I'll be able to do a passable rendition of this dead British actor by 2027.
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