WHEN WAX NO LONGER WORKS

Ever wondered where old wax figures go once they fall out of favour? Well, in the case of the wonderful / appalling Louis Tussauds in Great Yarmouth (which I think of constantly, always with an ache), they were bought by some Arabian potentate and shipped out to somewhere very hot (presumably they are kept in climate controlled conditions). With Madam Tussauds, for decades those figures that became surplus to requirements went to the Wookey Hole in Somerset, where they became a tourist attraction in their own right.

This postcard gives us plenty to digest: a bust of Nelson, some of Diana Dors, Henry VIII's and Bobby Moore's bodies and, in the background, a panoply of one-time household names and legends, including Hal and Bobby's heads, Tony Hancock, Nobby Stiles, Peter Ustinov, Shirley MacLaine and dear old Queen Matilda. 

IF I COULD TALK TO THE ANIMALS, WOULD I EVENTUALLY COME TO RESENT IT AS JUST MORE NOISE I WISH I COULD IGNORE?

 

Garages have come on in leaps and bounds in recent years in terms of sophistication, no longer being just jumble sales that sell petrol. I still think they should essentially serve as way-stations on a journey, providing provisions for genuine travellers rather than just locals in their pyjamas who can't be bothered to go to a proper supermarket. Modern garages are, in my opinion, inconsistent in terms of providing either a small shop or big shop experience, so it's all a bit confusing. I very much like a Slushy while I'm on the road, for instance, but can't envisage under what circumstances I might attempt an in-car Pot Noodle. 

What I most regret about the loss of the gleeful chaos of the old model is the disappearance of media, particularly wire baskets piled high with an eclectic, incomprehensible selection of discontinued VHS tapes, all marked at discount prices, and covering such subjects as Great Golf Goofs, Secrets Of Female Erotic Ecstasy, David Carradine's Tai Chi Workout and Telepathic Communications With Animals. These haphazard and totally unpredictable delights made great presents for whoever you were on the way to see.

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate it, and my best wishes to all who don't. 

See you in (checks chart) 2026!

TARZAN MUGS

There are lots of reasons I value this small piece of ephemera, a sweet cigarette card a couple of years older than I am. Mostly, I just love it because it is both kitsch and natty and, at first glance, it looks like Tarzan has pinched some old lady's handbag, and made off on his getaway giraffe. Good times.