DIE RHEUMASCHULE 2

 

Suggested calisthenic routine from The Rheumatism School booklet. Come on, get to it.

DIE RHEUMASCHULE 1

The Rheumatism School is a 45 record that pairs pleasant, upbeat music with the soothing and persuasive voice of Renate Braasch. I don't speak German but, judging by the title and the accompanying booklet, it seems to be encouraging listeners to do some exercise, or gymnastikübungen. 

I'm not a Doctor, but I certainly wouldn't recommend the sort of activity pictured on the cover for anyone with muscular-skeletal issues, but then the record was produced by big pharma company Nordmark, premier producers of painkillers.

EYE WORK

I don't know if you realise this, but, if you wear glasses, it's because you're lazy. With a little effort and a soupcon of science, you can (probably) train your eyes back into perfect shape and throw away those nerdy specs forever.

Here, Australian therapist Bethany Allridge shows us some of the basic movements, her face set in an unnervingly rigid and somewhat sinister expression. We'll come back to this over and over and again and again, until that face stops haunting my dreams.